It was displaced shame that made her hang her head,and slump her shoulders.
That persauded her to seal her lips.
To remain, mute. With the exception of the silent screams , that only she and God could hear.
Speechless is what she became.
Not that she didn’t have anything to say.
She had a story. Tragic though it were. It was her story.
But who wants to give a testimony that noone will believe.
Noone will validate, authenticate or substantiate.
So she began to doubt her own story. She has suppressed the memory, blocked out the strong emotions.
It’s not as if she had a vivid recollection of the event.
Yes, the taste of the salty sweat that had dripped down onto her face was still in her mouth.
The smells of the perpetrators still burned her nostrils.
The bruises and grass stains where still embossed upon her skin.
She represses her feelings. Wearing a 'mask' to appear normal as if nothing has changed.
“If I don’t think about it, maybe it never happened“ she says to herself convincingly.
Hoping that if the memory vanished, so would the pain.
Not only does she say it to herself, she mumbles it to everyone in her sphere of influence as she conceals the evidence
with her over sized clothes.
She conceals it as long as she can.
Not admitting to herself that eventually she will have to tell
It was displaced shame
It was displaced shame that prompted her to bury her head into the pillow and sob through the night.
But to quickly wash her face of all traces of sorrow by the morning light.
She must appear as normal as any other 16 year old girl.
She must smile and laugh and go about her usual day. So that noone will ask questions. So that noone will look down into her
soul for the truth.
She trudged deeply in this displaced shame for what seemed like an eternity.
The scents and emotions of that tragic event were fading.
The memories were even more blurry.
Only occasionally did she feel the emotions of sorrow and that sick, gut wrenching feeling in her stomach.
that day when she read Isaiah 53:5, "He was pierced through for her transgressions, He was crushed for her
iniquities; the chastening for her well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging she was healed."
Healed. Yes, He was violated so that she could be healed.
She opened her heart to him.
He became the lifter up of her head, her burden bearer, her heavy load sharer.
He turned her mourning into laughter.
He took on her shame and replaced it with the oil of gladness.
No more Displaced shame!
Written by Calvonia